11/10/2023 0 Comments Learn to be a good listenerAsk questionsĪsking both clarifying questions (making sure you've understood what you've heard) and follow-up questions (asking for more information) is a way of showing we're actively paying attention to the development of what's being shared, and that it's important to us we fully understand it. Wanting to know how others feel about what's happening in their lives is a way of showing them how much we value and acknowledge them. When we get to share, out loud, that we're feeling angry, overwhelmed, helpless or upset, we often feel heard and seen. Getting to announce or release our feelings is like emotional oxygen for us. You could say, "So, what was that experience like for you?" or "How do you feel about what happened?" If you're not clear on how someone feels about whatever they're sharing, simply ask. People often tell us what happened, but they sometimes forget to tell us about how it made them feel. You may find it brings you both a better sense of clarity and shows that you are there to listen to whatever needs to be said-no matter how long it takes to say it.Behind nearly all the stories we tell, there are feelings. If the person you are talking to takes a moment to gather his thoughts, sit quietly until he speaks again. Honor Silenceĭifficult conversations take time, and rushing to fill moments of silence can give the impression that you wish to speed the process. Open yourself up to better understanding where they are coming from. Try something like, “this must be hard for you.” Remember that others may be affected by issues in ways you are not. Avoid dismissive phrases such as, “don’t let it get to you” or “just let it go.” Voicing empathy, instead, will help solidify in their mind that you truly hear what they are saying. When it is time for you to contribute, be careful not to say something that minimizes the other person’s emotional experience. Not only will this wordlessly express your interest, it may help you focus better. Face the other person with arms uncrossed, leaning in slightly. You may find it helpful to pull your chair closer to the person you’re speaking with, or to physically open your body while standing. ![]() ![]() Glancing out the window or leaning back in your chair signals that you are not invested in what others have to say. What is he doing with his hands? Is her head held high or turned away? Is she making eye contact or avoiding it? Is his face tense or relaxed? Remember that body language makes up a whopping 55 percent of how we communicate, so the way someone is moving may tell you far more than what is spoken. Good listening also involves observing what the other person is communicating beyond words. Being a good listener means allowing the person to finish his or her narrative, then taking time to ponder what has been said before responding. Remember, there is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to talk. Instead of spending time anticipating what’s going to come next, focus on accepting what is being said in the moment. Many of us interject with our assumptions about where we think a talk is going. You may not agree with what someone is telling you, but listening with compassion and respect for differences in opinion may help you better comprehend what is being communicated. Make it your goal to simply take in the information rather than challenging what’s being said or “winning” the conversation. This is not easy, particularly during difficult conversations, but do your best to resist the temptation to respond emotionally. For example, you may say, “I have the next hour free to speak with you,” then silence your phone and shut your door to visitors. ![]() Be sure to let the person you’re speaking with know that he has your full attention, both by what you say and do. Bring patience and focus to this practice of mindful listening. As distractions or other thoughts arise, commit to attending to them, but later. ![]() Paying attention to what others are saying, and the intent behind those words, is a way of honoring an individual’s importance and looking out for their emotional wellbeing.īring more harmony and strength to all of your relationships by trying these techniques to become a good listener and communicator: Be Presentįocus only on the here and now-not the text message that just came in, or what you have to do after your chat. After all, one of the most basic human needs is the need to feel witnessed. Listening effectively can improve both trust and commitment between two people. Though it takes practice and time to develop the skills, the benefits of being a better listener are great-both for you and for those around you. While you may consider yourself all ears, being a truly good listener is a challenging and thoughtful task that few of us do well naturally.
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